The other day I wrote about my visit to the American Apparel factory.  (If I knew how to put the little linky-thing in here, there would be a handy click-on highlighted word that would take you to the blog post instantly, but hey… babysteps). After I wrote it, I was googling Dov Charney, the company’s founder and there are a lot of fairly insalubrious stories out there about him, one of which centred on him allegedly masturbating in front of a reporter from Jane magazine who was interviewing him at the time.  (multi-tasking, I guess?) 

Anyway, at first I thought,….how ridiculous, why didn’t she just stop the interview?  and then I thought of all the difficult situations I’ve landed in over the years while interviewing people, where I didn’t stop the interview either.   Here are some highlights: 

1) the ageing rap/soul musician, the crack pipe and the hotel room in Cardiff

Yes, he smoked a pipe in front of me, while sprawling in his underpants on a bed in a hotel-room in Cardiff.   Two questions occur to me now looking back - what was in that pipe, was it crack or was he just an old-fashioned tobacco smoker?  And what the hell was I doing in a hotel room in Cardiff with this guy on my own?

 In answer to the second - I was a journalism student in Cardiff and he was performing there.   I think I figured he was so intoxicated with alcohol and whatever else that I was fairly safe going back to his room after the gig.  (What was I thinking of?!!!)   I was also totally in awe of his music (still am to this day) and had so much respect for him, and felt overwhelmingly sad that such a genius had reached such a point of addiction, several times over in his life.  Besides which he promised me a tape (shows how long ago it was) of his next album, which I couldn’t resist.

He behaved impeccably as it turned out and I got the tape.  But I didn’t write up the interview.  He was like a god to me and I didn’t feel I could do the story justice, I also felt that the circumstances would have compromised his integrity.  As for the first question, what was in the pipe?  Was it crack? I don’t know.  I’ve never been a big crack-smoker. 

2) the internationally renowned plastic surgeon whose trousers fell around his ankles

After our interview, I was invited to a dinner which turned out to be just me, him and his housekeepers and waiting staff. It quickly became apparent that he was very drunk and in between falling asleep at the table and telling me we could have a whole lot more fun if I’d just “RELAX”, I thought it best to leave.  He came running after me and was so drunk his trousers fell down.  His housekeeper came to the rescue with a belt, and he rapidly sobered up and dispatched me in a car with one of his drivers. 

3) the A-list actress who had me frogmarched from the building

Nobody was drunk here.  Or on crack.  And this is the one experience of my journalistic career that still utterly mortifies me, because I handled a difficult situation badly and made it a whole lot worse.  But hey, you learn from your mistakes and it’s one of the reasons I avoid interviewing celebrities to this day.  

I’d researched this particular Hollywood star and found that she liked talking about her babies and pregancies.  I’d been told by a mutual friend that she was great, that we had so much in common (?)  and that we would get on just fine.  And I was also told that we could have 30 minutes together, a private interview.   All good stuff. 

It was an unmitigated disaster.  The cosy fireside chat for half an hour turned out to be a bun-fight with 50 or so rather aggressive, international press crammed around her, big burly bodyguards and assistants. Suddenly there I was, with my little Dictaphone, getting frozen, dull answers that weren’t going to suit the humorous, friendly little piece we had lined up for her.  So I went for the more interesting questions on my list, which I figured might amuse her, things that she was on safe territory with, having already discussed them in interviews.  But with hindsight, why did I have to choose THIS question?: 

“Will it be an epidural or a natural delivery for your next birth?”

The poor thing looked so startled I thought she was going to burst into tears.  The interview was brought to an abrupt end.  She was rushed off to powder her nose.  And I was asked to leave the building. 

I think it’s fairly safe to assume she isn’t reading this.  But in case it’s ringing bells with her… I’m sorry!