It snowed today.  Big flakes of doily-edged snow, the kind that make you want to stick your tongue out and catch one.  Which we did, myself and Armand, on our way out to Poundland (it’s becoming a regular haunt) to buy cupcake cases and milk and envelopes.  Honestly, it’s a one-stop shop.

Yesterday I found myself in Euston Station in a sort of Christmas delirium.  I went to Paperchase to buy a few last-minute Christmas cards.  They were really first-minute Christmas cards, the first I’d bought this festive season.  There was a knitted Santa with Ho Ho Ho on it… good for a rapper, perhaps?  But feeling a little overwhelmed by conspicuous consumption,  I wanted the Real McKoy, the full-on Nativity, angels, baby Jesus.. and guess what, they didn’t have it.

I’m used to a certain amount of ecumenical equality.  My kids’ school is French, and they sensibly ignore all religions, treat them with an equal amount of disdain.  But that’s the French.  I don’t want to sound like Alf Garnett, but aren’t we still officially a Christian country?

I thought about my Jewish friend Jen, how it must feel like this for her all the time, being unable to buy Hanukkah cards.  Or my former nanny, Yammouna, who is Muslim.  Does she feel marginalised, not being able to buy cards for Eid, except in specialist shops?  I’m not even that religious, but guess what, Christmas is the one time I do reflect on my Christian upbringing, otherwise, what’s it all about?  Sausage rolls from Iceland?

Clearly in the mood to talk with strangers, (bracing myself for another train journey) I asked the manager, who told me that yes, they do sell Hanukkah cards, and in fact, they also sell Eid cards.

But for some reason… well, unless you’re lucky enough to find a Madonna and Child in the “art” section, no, there are no religious cards in the store.

“Not even a baby Jesus in a manger?”

“No.”

“Three Wise men?”

“Er… no,” she said.  ”You can write and complain if you want.”

She helpfully wrote the address down on a piece of paper.

After going to Poundland today I bought some fantastic cards at Graham & Green. The Three Kings, by Paul Hey, 43p from the price of £5.95 for 5 goes to the British Heart Foundation, Marie Curie Cancer Foundation, Mind, NSPCC and Shelter.

I’ll be sending one to the people at Paperchase.

And then I’ll move to Tunbridge Wells.

Yours, disgustedly…

Alf Garnett.